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Doing Goals Differently

INSTEAD OF A NEW YEAR RESOLUTION, CREATE AN ACTION PLAN FOR SUCCESS

In the midst of life’s hustle, the path ahead can seem hazy, leaving us uncertain about our desires. We often navigate on autopilot, responding to the world around us without a clear direction. Setting specific goals demands trade-offs, and many shy away from making those necessary sacrifices.

For those genuinely dedicated to fostering enduring positive changes this year, consider adopting a potent NLP framework. Take charge of your journey by grabbing a pen and paper, and dive into the transformative power of strategic action planning right now.

  1. What do you want?
    • 1a. State your goal in positive terms.
    • 1b. Be self-directed.
  2. Make the goal appropriately sized (Do you feel inspired and motivated to achieve it or does it feel overwhelming?)
    **Remember you can create this smaller goal, celebrate your success and then create a new goal to continue towards your overall vision.
  3. How will you know when you have achieved it? What will be your evidence of success?
  4. Where, or in what situation(s) will the goal be relevant? Where might it be irrelevant?
  5. What stops you from pursuing this goal wholeheartedly?
  6. What personal resources do you already possess that you can draw upon to help you achieve your goal? eg. Personable, analytical, well spoken, enthusiastic etc
  7. What additional resources do you need in order to achieve your goal?
  8. How might the pursuit of your goal affect the important people in your life? Is there any risk associated with achieving this goal? eg. Partner could be upset that I am away from home more often.
  9. What are the daily actions you will need to take in order to achieve your goal? What is the first step you can take today?

    *Additional step: Visualise yourself having achieved the goal. What does it feel like? What can you see around you? How do you show up at home/work/social?
  10. Given everything I have considered to this point, is achieving this goal worth the effort?

Keep this visualisation alive in your mind. Reconnect with how it feels to be living with your desired outcome – this will be your fuel for taking daily action. Creating a life that aligns with your vision involves making small changes daily. It involves living as if your goal is already achieved. You will notice your thinking starting to shift, your internal words supporting your growth and vision. (If you notice old patterns and behaviours trying to sneak back in, get in touch).

Looking for support and an accountability partner? I am here for you. You don’t have to spend hours, weeks, months trying to work this out on your own. Helping you achieve your goals is WHAT I DO.

Click here to jump on a FREE Clarity Call and find out if my coaching is right for you.

With love,

Bridie x

Mastering the Language of Success:

How Your Words Shape Beliefs, Actions, and a Life You Love

Small shifts in your language creates positive ripples of change in your relationships, career and the way you show up in this life. The following simple steps will help you to cultivate awareness & change around your inner dialogue, those phrases you keep repeating to yourself, for these words have the power to propel you forward or hold you in stagnation.

Awareness:

Choose an area of your life that could do with a shift. Perhaps self-doubt creeps in when you think about your work, or unhelpful thoughts appear when thinking about your body, relationships or health.

Write down one thought that makes you feel less confident, happy or motivated.

Exposing these thoughts is the first step to reprogramming them.

Stop & Switch:

When you have a reoccurring thought over and over it becomes automatic. You might have this thought without even realising as it has become programmed into your thinking. In order to reprogram it you need to be aware of its presence and consciously STOP it before you buy into its story and SWITCH it for something more useful.

What are 5 other thoughts you could have in this situation. Which one supports your journey and growth? This is your switch. Practice it. Visualise saying it. Write it on a post it note and stick it on your mirror.

The Power of Consistency:

Applying mindset shifts isn’t a one-time task; it’s a way of life. Consistency is key. Imagine your mind as a garden; by tending to it daily with positive language and empowering beliefs, you cultivate a lush and thriving mental landscape.

Measuring the Shift:

Track your progress. Notice how your language, beliefs, and actions have evolved. Celebrate every shift, no matter how small, as it brings you one step closer to a more empowered, fulfilled life.

Lasting Transformation:

Understanding mindset shifting is just the beginning. You can apply this to apply it in every facet of your life, from your career to your relationships, and witness the profound transformations that occur when you take charge of your thoughts.

Ready to unleash the full potential of your mind and create a life that truly resonates with your dreams?

Shift habits, rewire thinking, and break unhelpful patterns so you can step with confidence into the life that you CHOOSE with my 3 month Uncover, Rewire, Reignite™ coaching programme. 

3 Types of Imposter Syndrome & Ways to Overcome It

Let’s delve into the world of imposter syndrome, a common experience many of us have faced. It’s that persistent feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. But fret not! I am here to help you tackle it head-on.

Today, we’ll explore three familiar types of imposter syndrome, offering relatable examples and practical solutions to overcome it. So, grab your beverage of choice, kick back, and let’s get started!

Meet The Perfectionist. This individual sets sky-high standards for themselves, striving for flawlessness in every endeavor. But perfection is an elusive goal, leading to undue stress and self-doubt. Take Morgan, for instance. Despite her impeccable track record, she’s plagued by feelings of inadequacy, fearing that she’ll be exposed as less competent than perceived. She dwells on mistakes and unrealistically expects perfection in everything she does.

But fear not! Here’s a fun antidote: the “Imperfect Creations” Challenge. Gather your mates for a creative challenge where the aim is not perfection, but rather embracing the beauty of imperfection. Whether it’s a painting, a craft project, or even a goofy dance routine, the goal is to embrace the process rather than focus on perfection. Have a good laugh at the end, celebrating the beauty of imperfection and the joy of simply enjoying the momentT

The Expert in Disguise

This type affects individuals who feel they’ve fooled others into thinking they’re experts, despite feeling like they’re merely “winging it.” They fear being exposed as frauds, despite possessing valuable knowledge and skills.

Consider Liv, a highly accomplished professional who consistently shines in her career. Despite her stellar achievements, Liv doubts her abilities and downplays her success, fearing she’ll be unmasked as a fraud. But here’s the truth: you deserve your accomplishments!

Organise a “Show and Tell” session with your closest friends. Each person can share something they’re passionate about or a skill they excel at, followed by a mini-tutorial. By showcasing your expertise in a supportive environment, you’ll gain confidence in your abilities. Remember, you’re not an imposter; you’re an expert in your own unique way!

The Comparison Queen. She’s constantly sizing up her success against others, convinced they have it all together while she’s just pretending. But here’s the truth: everyone’s journey is unique, and we all face challenges along the way. So, it’s time to focus on your own path and celebrate your victories, no matter how small.

Take Kyla, for example. She finds herself endlessly scrolling through social media, comparing herself to others’ highlight reels and feeling inadequate. But it’s time to shift the focus back to your own journey.

Here’s your next step: start an “Inspiration Swap” book club with your friends. Each member selects a book that has inspired and empowered them on their personal journey. As you read and discuss these books together, you’ll gain valuable insights, learn from each other’s experiences, and celebrate the diverse paths to success and fulfillment.

Imposter syndrome may try to steal your confidence, but armed with strategies and a positive mindset, you can overcome it. Embrace your imperfections, recognize your expertise, and stop comparing yourself to others. You’re amazing just the way you are! Let’s banish imposter syndrome and embrace our brilliance together. You’ve got this!

If you are ready for accelerated positive change, connection is key. Having a coach to help recognise your blind spots, offer a different perspective, guide you through challenges and be your accountability partner is paramount. Click the link below to book your free Clarity Call so you take your next steps with confidence. 

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: A Guide for BadA$$ Women

The persistent feeling of inadequacy, the fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of your competence and accomplishments…sound familiar? Your’e not alone. Imposter syndrome is a common phenomenon that plagues many women in their professional and personal lives. This self-doubt can hold them back from reaching their full potential and hinder their ability to embrace new opportunities.

In a society that often pressures women to meet unrealistic standards of success, appearance, and perfection, imposter syndrome can become a significant barrier to their self-confidence and well-being. It’s time to break free from the grip of self-doubt and embrace your authentic self.

This blog post is here to guide you on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It’s a reminder that you are not alone in experiencing imposter syndrome and that you have the power to overcome it. We will explore practical strategies and mindset shifts that will help you build self-confidence, silence your inner critic, and step into your true potential.

The not so pretty side of Imposter Syndrome:

    1. Self-Limiting Beliefs: These beautiful women end up underestimating their capabilities and potential. It creates a self-imposed glass ceiling, preventing them from taking risks, pursuing opportunities, and taking bold risks. 

    1. Reduced Self-Confidence:  It can feel a challenge to assert oneself, speak up, and share ideas. It hinders individuals from fully showcasing their skills and talents, holding them back from achieving their goals.

    1. Fear of Failure and Perfectionism: The fear of failure is intensified, making individuals reluctant to step outside their comfort zones. The pressure to be perfect becomes overwhelming, leading to procrastination, anxiety, and an inability to embrace growth opportunities.

    1. Mental and Emotional Exhaustion: One’s mental and emotional energy can be drained. The fear of being exposed or making mistakes creates a perpetual state of anxiety and stress, negatively impacting overall well-being.

    1. Stifled Personal Growth: The barrier to personal growth is strengthened by discouraging individuals from taking on new challenges, pursuing passions, or seeking advancement opportunities. It keeps them confined within their comfort zones.

That sounds shit…but never fear. Here are some powerful tools to start the shift.  

    • Mindful Awareness: Cultivate mindfulness to become more aware of your thoughts and self-talk patterns. Notice when your inner critic arises and the specific language it uses. This heightened awareness allows you to recognise and distance yourself from negative self-talk, making it easier to challenge and reframe those thoughts.
    • Thought Replacement: Replace negative self-talk with power statements and affirmations Create a list of statements that counteract your specific self-doubts. For example, if you often doubt your competence, remind yourself of your achievements and capabilities & your ability to learn and grow. Repeat these statements regularly to rewire your inner dialogue.
    • Externalise the Critic: Give your inner critic a name or persona to externalise it from your true self. By separating your authentic voice from the critical voice, you can better recognise when the inner critic is speaking and consciously choose not to give it power over your thoughts and actions.
    • Limiting Beliefs: Identify the limiting beliefs that underpin your self-doubt. These beliefs often revolve around notions of not being good enough, fear of failure, or needing external validation. Question the validity of these beliefs and seek evidence to challenge their accuracy. Replace them with more empowering beliefs that support your self-confidence and growth.
Shifting your thinking and developing self-confidence is a process. This probably won’t happen over night, but with practice, you WILL see and experience positive shifts and changes. And once you do, there is no going back. You, my friend, like many others will become obsessed with personal development and seeing yourself develop into the bad A$$ woman you knew you could be. 
 

If you are ready for accelerated positive change, connection is key. Having a coach to help recognise your blind spots, offer a different perspective, guide you through challenges and be your accountability partner is paramount. Click the link below to book your free Clarity Call so you take your next steps with confidence. 

Unleash Your Inner Confidence and Tame Your Critic

5 Steps to Tame Your Inner Critic and Cultivate Self-Trust & Confidence

On the path of personal growth and self-discovery, one hurdle we encounter is the relentless presence of our inner critic and the destructive power of negative self talk. That nagging voice inside our head that undermines your confidence and questions your abilities can hinder your progress and limit your potential.  But fear not, for in this post we will explore effective strategies to increase self confidence, reduce the power of our inner critic, and nurture a stronger sense of self-trust. 

Get ready to unlock your inner power and unleash the confident, self-assured woman within you.

    1. Recognise Your Inner Critic: The first step in silencing your inner critic is to recognise its presence. Become aware of the negative self-talk patterns and the specific areas where your confidence takes a hit. By shining a light on this inner voice, you can gain a deeper understanding of its impact and take conscious steps to counter its influence. I often get my clients to name their inner critic. This can help to create some distance between you and “Barb”, “Sharon” or “Susan”. She is not you. You can choose to listen to her or not.
    2. Understand that this voice is there to protect you: It is made up of all your childhood fears, embarrassments, pain and it is trying to stop you from having to experience that again – but sometimes its judgement is shit. If we were to listen to every word we would be staying still..stagnant…stuck. Learning to acknowledge it, thank it for trying to protect you, and letting it know that it is not needed right now is a small but easy way to decrease its power.
    3. Challenge Your Inner Critic: Once you’ve identified your inner critic, it’s time to challenge its validity. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts based on facts or mere assumptions? Replace self-defeating beliefs with empowering affirmations. Cultivate a positive mindset by focusing on your strengths, accomplishments, and the progress you’ve made along your journey. Challenge the negative self-talk with evidence of your capabilities and potential.
    4. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Developing self-compassion is essential in building self-confidence. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend. Embrace the fact that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks are part of the growth process. Replace self-judgment with self-compassion, allowing room for learning, growth, and self-acceptance. Remember, you are human, and it’s okay to have flaws. Find a way to nurture yourself that feels authentic and meaningful.
    5. Nurture Positive Self-Talk: Become mindful of your internal dialogue and consciously shift it towards positive self-talk. Whenever your inner critic surfaces, reframe the negative thoughts into supportive and encouraging statements. Replace “I can’t do it” with “I am capable and resilient.” Practice affirmations that resonate with you and repeat them regularly to reinforce positive self-beliefs. With time and consistency, positive self-talk becomes a natural part of your mindset. I am a firm believer in the power of our thoughts. So intentionally CHOOSE thoughts that empower and motivate.

Increasing self-confidence and cultivating self-trust is a transformative process that requires awareness, commitment, and self-compassion. By recognising and challenging your inner critic, practicing self-compassion & nurturing positive self-talk you can unlock the doors to a more confident, empowered, and fulfilled version of yourself. Trust in your capabilities, believe in your worth, and step forward with confidence on your path to personal greatness. Remember, you have all the tools within you to embrace your true potential and create a life filled with self-assurance and self-trust.

PS: If you are ready to deep dive into your transformation, I am here to support you. Flick me a message and let’s have a free Clarity Session to give you a clear action plan so can take your next step with confidence. Link below. 

WTF is Mindfulness (and how to start)

Stress is an inevitable part of life, especially for women who are often juggling multiple responsibilities, expectations and roles at once. However, ongoing stress can take a toll on your physical and mental health (don’t I fucking know it!). That’s why it’s essential to practice stress management techniques to maintain your overall wellbeing and ensure you enjoy this crazy thing called life. One technique used by millions of people around the world is mindfulness, which can help you manage stress and improve your emotional regulation.

WTF is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the present moment – no matter how mundane it may seem. It involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. By focusing on the present moment, you can turn down the volume of the endless jumble of unwanted thoughts that often leave you feeling overwhelmed and focusing on unhelpful shit.

How does mindfulness help with stress management? Stress triggers the body’s fight or flight response, which can cause physical and emotional symptoms. Mindfulness can help you regulate your body’s response to stress by promoting relaxation and reducing the physiological symptoms of stress. Additionally, mindfulness can help you identify negative thought patterns and reframe them in a more empowering, productive light.

What are some mindfulness techniques? Here are a few mindfulness techniques that you can practice daily:

  1. Breathing exercises: Eg square breathing – picture the 4 sides of a square. As you go up the side inhale, hold the breath across the top, exhale as you go down, and hold the breath across the bottom. I have another blog post all about this – check it out for more techniques.
  2. Body scan meditation: Lie down in a comfortable position and bring your attention to your body. Start at your toes and slowly move your attention up your body, noticing any sensations without judgment.
  3. Mindful eating: Pay attention to the taste, smell, and texture of your food. Eat slowly and savor each bite.
  4. 5,4,3,2,1: In any moment, pause and notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This is very powerful and helps us to bring our attention to the present moment.

How can you incorporate mindfulness into your daily life? Here are a few tips to help you incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine:

  1. Start small: Begin with short mindfulness exercises, such as a few minutes of breathing exercises each day. Gradually increase the length of your practice as you become more comfortable.
  2. Practice regularly: Consistency is key to developing a mindfulness practice. Try to practice every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
  3. Find a community: Consider joining a mindfulness group or finding an accountability partner to help you stay motivated.
  4. Be patient: Mindfulness is a skill that takes time to develop. Don’t expect to see immediate results and be patient with yourself.

Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help us to manage stress and enhance ones overall sense of wellbeing. By incorporating mindfulness techniques into your daily routine, you can improve your emotional regulation and reduce the negative effects of stress on your mind and body. Start small, practice regularly, and be patient with yourself, and you’ll soon notice the positive benefits of mindfulness.

Have questions about how to start? Don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Love B x

How to Set Boundaries – For Women Who Don’t Like Conflict

Healthy boundaries are the limits you place around your time, emotions, physical and mental healthy so you can stay content with who you are, experience higher levels of self-worth and confidence and to nurture relationships.

Without clear boundaries we can become lost, resentful and burnt out with work, social obligations and relationships. If you are experiencing increased feelings of stress or frustration check out these three steps.  

1. Get clear on the personal boundary that is being crossed. 
What exactly is it that is depleting your energy or increasing stress and frustration.
What one small change you can implement that would have the biggest positive change for your wellbeing?

2. Communicate your boundary
I know… this can be easy to think about and hard to do. However people can not read your beautiful mind. Who do you need to share this boundary with?  There are many ways to communicate your boundary, so find a way that feels right for you.

Remember, boundaries are kind. You are taking out the guess work for others and showing them how you need to be treated.
One framework can be: I feel____when___because___. What I need at the moment is____.

Another way is to state your boundary, but do so in a way that also validates the other persons needs.
Eg. It makes me uncomfortable to be around you when you argue around me and if it continues I’m going to head home.  However I do like spending time with you. Can you tell me about your last holiday?

3. Prepare for pushback
People don’t love change – especially change they aren’t in control of. Not everyone is going to understand your need for your boundary or like you putting it in place.

This is OK.

It is not up to you how they will respond. You can not control this.
Give them time to adjust.
Be clear on your WHY – why are you putting this boundary in place? Why is it important for you? What might happen if you don’t?
Trust your decision making. If you choose to prioritise their needs over your own, you are starting an internal battle that will stay with you until you choose YOU.

If you know that something needs to change in your life, but are not clear on what that change should be or how to implement it, get in touch and book in a 30 minute complementary Clarity Session. In this session you will get crystal clear on the direction that feels perfect for you, so you can take your next step with confidence.

What is a Mindset Life Coach?

Wondering what a Mindset Life Coach actually does and if life and mindset coaching is right for you? Here’s everything you need to know. 

28-year-old me was generally happy and successful. I was living in London, earning alright money, had friends and spent my spare time travelling. Things were ‘fine’. Yet deep in my gut I felt that something was missing. I could feel a gap between where I was and where I really wanted to be. 

Despite reading the books, doing the online courses and trying the strategies I thought would help, I found myself stuck in the same cycles with little changing. 

So I reached out to a life coach. 

What is a Mindset Life Coach?

A Mindset and Life Coach, or referred to as a Mindset Life Coach, takes you from where you are currently, to where you want to be.

We all have goals we want to reach, challenges we’re striving to overcome and times when we feel stuck. Partnering with a coach can change your life, setting you on a path to greater personal and professional fulfilment. (International Coach Federation)

Often we want something at the conscious level (eg. to achieve our goals.) however at unconscious level there are patterns, beliefs and behaviours that we have been practising and strengthening for years. Just ‘wanting’ to change is usually not enough. A Mindset Life Coach helps you to rewire your thinking, dissolve beliefs that no longer serve you, and create a mindset to match what you are wanting to achieve. 

Mindset and Life Coaches use powerful tools such as NLP, CBT and more traditional coaching techniques to help you increase your awareness around your current thoughts, beliefs and patterns, to help reframe those that are not benefiting you, create new neural pathways and set you up for success. 

You will not become reliant on the coach, instead you will transform your thinking and learn strategies so you can continue to experience success long after the sessions have finished. 

What a Mindset Life Coach is not:

A Mindset and Life Coach is not there to heal your past trauma, be your counsellor or listen to you vent for hours about why you dislike your family. Nor are they going to tell you what is the next best step for your life or do the work for you. 

Who is Mindset Life Coaching for?

Life and Mindset Coaching is for people who have the desire to change. 

“Life coaching is for anyone who wants to improve their performance – whether you want to advance at work or make more meaningful personal connections. Even the most skilled, successful people can benefit from coaching and there are a variety of different types of life coaches who can help in all different arenas of life.” Tony Robins.

I have had women come to me feeling like ‘something is missing’, ‘something is holding me back from achieving…but I don’t know what it is’ or an overwhelming feeling that they can be getting more out of their life. Sometimes they feel like they have too many options or  are procrastinating and not taking the action they know they need to. 

Mindset Life Coaching is for you if you:

  • Are ready to take action to make your dreams a reality
  • Feel stuck and want to move forwards quickly and easily
  • Have a desire to make positive, lasting changes in your life
  • Aren’t taking the steps you need to in order to live the life you desire
  • Want a life vision that inspires you and makes decision making easy 
  • Have limiting beliefs or recurring thought patterns which are holding you back
  • Want to discover your purpose and get complete clarity about what you want in life

If you’re wondering if Mindset and Life Coaching is for you, check out my top selling package Direction, Clarity, Action here.

Book your free 30min Mindset and Life Coaching Clarity Call. Find out more about the coaching process and book your coaching package with Bridie McHaffie here

3 Easy Ways To Use Your Breath When Stressed

You are wanting some effective tools to help keep anxiety and stress at the minimum. However there is so much information out there it’s hard to know where to start.

I get it, so I have given you my 3 favourite breathing techniques that kick anxiety in the butt.

When faced with stressful situations, our breathing shifts and we automatically begin quick, shallow breathing. If you are relaxing in the bath, listening or reading, your breathing is slow, deep, calm and inhaled and exhaled through our diaphragm and abdomen.

Exhaling is linked to the parasympathetic nervous system, which influences our body’s ability to relax and calm down. On the flip side, the sympathetic nervous system, which controls the fight-or-flight response (the one we are trying to calm down) can be triggered by a deep inhale, as it’s our bodies natural response to threat…this is NOT what we are aiming for.

Breathe easy babe. Using our breath to calm our body is straightforward. There are so many different breathing techniques and it’s a matter of finding what feel easy and natural for you. The following are my go to tools when I need to calm the f*** down.

3 Breathing Exercises

Square Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, pause for 4 counts, exhale for 4, pause for 4. You can visualise a square, following it with your breath, or trace it with your finger.

Balloon Breathing: Visualise a balloon in your belly. As you breath in, your balloon expands. As you exhale, your balloon gets smaller. Breath deep into your belly as you inhale. I also have my fingertips touching on my belly. As my balloon expands my fingers move apart, as I exhale they move to touch again.

3/6 Breathing: This supports the longer exhale. Breathe in for 3 counts and out for 6. Doubling the exhale helps to kick your parasynthetic nervous system into gear, calming you down and helping you to think clearly.

Having these tools on hand was a game changer for me and I hope they are for you too.

Which one of these resonates with you most? Comment below.

Ready to reduce the feelings of being stuck and overwhelmed so you can enjoy life more? Click here to book a free 30 minute Clarity Call to see how we could work together.

B x

Top 5 Steps When You Don’t Agree in a Relationship

Arguments are a normal part of being in a relationship. Two people with different life experiences, beliefs and expectations are trying to merge their lives while continuing to have their own needs met.

When conflict arrises, have a go at using the following 5 steps. 

  • Address the problem – trying to ignore or think it’s not important will not make it go away, and usually makes it grow. Speak up and identify the problem, so it will start the process of moving forwards.

  • Understand the ‘Illusion of Sameness”. At times we feel we know our partner so well “We are soul mates”, “He really gets me”, “We are so similar”. The Illusion of Sameness leads us to make one of the biggest mistakes in our relationship – to assume our partners experience of something is the same as ours and that the events and behaviours mean the same to them as they do to us. We have certain expectations of how we think they should act, and when they don’t we blame them or get angry. Reminding yourself of this Illusion can help you to remember your partner is their own unique person.
 
  • When challenging moments occur, remember that both parties are trying to meet their needs. You might not yet understand what that means for your partner. Neither of you are right or wrong. You are both acting in the only way you know how at this exact moment. It’s up to you both to listen, communicate clearly and find a way to make it work.
 
  • Speak with kindness and listen. Using catastrophizing words like ‘why are you always’ or ‘You never..” make the problem bigger than it is.
 
  • Use the talking frame “When you……I feel like…..”. This allows your partner to hear what you feel the problem is and how it is impacting you. You are not attacking them, simply saying how you are affected by what they are doing.

Continue to increase your own self-awareness searching to find out your triggers, finding strategies to regulate your emotions and thinking about how you can act differently (rather than put blame on your partner).

B x